During the Vietnam War an American platoon was situated down in some rice paddies, in the heat of a fire fight with the Vietcong. All of a sudden a line of six monks started walking in between the gun fire. They didn't look right or left towards either of the soldiers they just kept walking calmly and peacefully across the battle field. Interestingly enough not one person from either side fired a shot at them... One of the American soldiers recalled the incident as one of the most bizarre experiences of his life as, after they walked past, suddenly all the fight was out of him. He said that, all of a sudden he just didn't feel like he wanted to fight anymore, at least certainly not that day. It must have also been the same way for the Vietcong because they too just stopped fighting...
On a less dramatic level we all regularly experience this strange yet powerful emotional transfer when we are around other people...
Stephen King
When we meet someone who is so enthusiastic and passionate about what they do it's almost impossible for some of it to not rub off on us and change the way we feel...
On the flip side this can also happen in a negative way... I'm sure we all know someone who seems to have the uncanny ability to put a negative spin on everything and suck the emotional life out of everyone they meet...
The importance of being aware of the types and levels of emotional states people are in and how to influence them cannot be understated... We like to think of ourselves as logical, rational beings but in reality we are not... We tend to make most of our decisions through feelings and emotion and then we back them up afterwards through logic and reason...
The monk's ability to pacify the soldiers in the heat of the battle is probably one of the more dramatic examples of how contagious emotions can be. On a more subtle level, however, emotional exchange occurs in practically every conversation we are involved in... So it goes without saying that learning how to manage this exchange is incredibly important...
In 1994 Elaine Hatfield, John T Caciocco and Richard L Rapson wrote a book called 'Emotional Contagion' that focused on this phenomenon of emotional transfer. What they found was that in any social interaction there is a tendency for some of the participants to naturally mimic another person's expressions, vocalizations, movements and postures and consequently become infected by that persons' emotional state. They also found that if it is a large group of people, and the infection reaches critical mass, the intensity experienced by those infected increases significantly.
This goes a long way to understanding how Martin Luther King managed to spread a feeling of love and self worth amongst most of the black community or how Barack Obama became President of the USA by filling people full of optimism and hope for the future...
So does that mean, in order to make an impression emotionally, you have to be all happy, happy, high energy and positive around people every minute of the day?
Not at all... In fact, from experience if being happy, positive and full of energy is all you're about then it could eventually have a negative effect with a lot of people...
It's what I like to call the Club 18-30 syndrome... For those of you who don't know, Club 18-30 is a British holiday company who pride themselves in their upbeat, high energy, positive approach to holidaying... If you've ever been to one of these holidays you'll know that the holiday rep spends pretty much every minute of their time whipping you up into a frenzy and then plying you full of as much alcohol as possible...
Of course, this might be for some people but most can only take a certain amount of this before feeling an irresistible urge to throttle the host!
Now obviously people tend to be attracted to people who are positive, happy and up beat but if that's all you're about then it can become tediously familiar and, for some, irritatingly condescending... You may not mean it to be like that but trust me, that's how a lot of people react to it...
What I am suggesting is that you have a bit more depth... Develop the ability of having a range of emotions you can go into, express and lead people through while still maintaining a positive, happy base...
When you get down to it, it's the basis of most charismatic leaders...
The ability to make people feel good about themselves and the future while leading them through a whole range of emotions both positive and sometimes negative... In doing so they relate and touch people in ways that most people don't...
It's a bit like watching a really good movie... The most enjoyable movies are the ones that touch you deep inside and move you in ways that you can't quite describe verbally but know that you feel within...
Stanley Kubrick once said that, "A film is - or should be - more like music than like fiction. It should be a progression of moods and feelings. The theme, what's behind the emotion, the meaning, all that comes later."
The same is true when it comes to social interaction... Put simply, the success and fulfilment of a relationship between two or more people is largely dependant on the emotions and feelings they feel when with each other...
That by developing the ability to lead people through a wide range of emotions you will impact them at a level that most people don't and leave an impression that stays with them long after you leave...
How to Leave a Lasting Impression on People
Steven Burns is known as 'The People's Coach' and is an NLP Trainer, Coach & Hypnotherapist. Following the end of his 9 and 1/2 relationship he decided to specialize in helping people let go of social anxiety and become more confident and skilled in all aspects of socializing. You can find Steven's latest work at The Guide to Social Confidence